Shafted

In hind sight, I probably should have known after planning to be induced, and then being bumped for 2 days, that life with Connor was never going to go as planned.  When that didn't do it for me, having him flip over while I was in labor to end up breech and requiring a C-section should definitely have done it.

I, like I imagine most 2nd time mom's do, had wondered most of my pregnancy how I was possibly going to love another boy as much as I love Cadence.  I had always wanted to be a mom and when Cadence came along, I realized that my desire was far outmatched by my intense love for my boy.  And having to face seizures and tests and hospital stays only intensified that love.  We have spent far more alone time together than we probably would have in a different situation, and having to pay much closer attention to all the nuances of him, I think I have a much deeper connection to him than I may have had otherwise.  I have a love for that boy that I could never describe and feared I would not experience with Connor.  Oh but life is funny sometimes.

On that sunny November day, when we finally were induced, and I heard the cry I'd been waiting for, I learned what so many moms before me had tried to explain - your heart just grows.  Instantly I knew I would die for that little fella and that I absolutely loved him intensely.

But Connor came into a different life than his big brother.  The C-section was certainly not the peaceful birth that Cadence had.  Cadence was placed right on my chest and we cuddled for hours, but I had to wait 5 very long hours before I could really have any quality time with Connor.  And then I was recovering from major surgery.  Connor came home a day before Glenn left for a week long trip with a new job that required frequent, lengthy trips out of town.  Maternity leave with a newborn and an almost 4 year old (mostly by yourself) is nothing like it was with an only child.

So I've spent the last 5 months or so feeling like poor Connor has gotten the shaft.  He's such a happy, good baby, but I've often felt like he's been getting the left-overs, while other parts of life are getting first dibs.  And now he's facing surgery.  It just doesn't seem fair.  But - since I must always find the positive lest I burst - I'm feeling like I'm almost getting a do-over on maternity leave.  Glenn no longer has to travel (thank God!) and though I hate the reason for it, I will get another opportunity to spend some quality time at home with Connor while he recovers.  That little joker and I have some serious snuggle time in our future!!